So, I'm heading back to Santa Fe.
Look back then look away.
Way that blue sky fades, feels like I'm running away.
Baby, I know you see just how hard it is for me.
To unpack clothes and shoes and stay right here with you.
It seems like this was easier when I was younger. The blank page didn't intimidate me like it does now. Perhaps because I know what the consequences could be. Perhaps because back then, I wanted to leave this town. And now, I can't fathom the thought of leaving.
I don't know.
Sometimes, I think it was Pranzo that did this to me. I was a full-time student and worked two part-time jobs. And in an instant, I was accused of stealing. I was verbally abused by their radical Christian owners. I have never stole anything in my entire life, except watches from friends and clothes from my sister. After that, I was too scared to try anything else. I don't blame my lack of money on the economy. I blame myself. I spend too much and work too little.
I'm scared of being accused for something I didn't do. I'm scared of failure. I'm scared of driving. I'm scared of flying. I'm scared to get married, so I don't. I don't do any of these things. People think it must be exhausting, but it's not. It's just embarrassing. (Things aren't wrong. I'm just a human. I don't want to forget.)
Suddenly last night, I couldn't find you.
You ran beneath the plume of smoke.
And all your sisters, they ran after you.
When did you know that you were chosen?