Just like that, I was captured.

There are a lot of words constantly floating around in my head lately. And it takes so much time and patience just to figure out how I'm feeling or what I'm thinking. But that's okay, I guess. I'm just a little slow in life lately.

Christmas feels like any other day. Except Starbucks is closed and work is going to be fucking busy. I cried a couple times tonight. Just missing family. Not doing anything feels awkward and I constantly feel like I'm forgetting something.

I did watch It's a Wonderful Life with Stuart and made Christmas cookies. But now I'm just so tired and I can't sleep. I wish he didn't have to work so I can have him here next to me.

For a couple monthsweeks, we haven't been doing so well. For the first time, I've held everything all in and I think it was good. Helped me re-evaluate what I feel towards our relationship. The day before yesterday I sat him down and we had an awesome talk and I think we are both re-focused. Working on refocusing in life, in general. He has a set plan for school.

And I don't. And I don't think I will.

'cause I'm scared of growing old.